American: I’d love to do the wedding! What a gift that you’ve asked. What time should I be there? Bolivia: Well, the couple will arrive at 10:00, but you don’t need to be there the whole time before. Probably 10:30 is good. A: Of course. That makes sense for an 11:00 wedding. B: The invitation […]
Category: The Story of a Stupid American in Foreign Lands
Now that I’ve moved to Bolivia and been here for about ten days, here is some lovely information about my intestinal health that you never asked for! Yes, I am making VERY sure I am never more than twenty steps away from a bathroom. No, it was NOT the salad I ate the other day. […]
Malaysia: How’d you like to move out of the guest dorms and into a real apartment? American: No thanks, I’m pretty comfortable where I am. M: You’d have a kitchen. A: I would? Oh. Oh! That sounds nice. Okay I’m in. M: Heh-heh-heh. A: What’s that laugh for? M: Um. It’s just delight at how […]
Malaysia: Do you eat pork? American: Of course I eat pork. What a weird question. Doesn’t everybo— Oh, right. Predominantly Muslim country, can’t eat pork. I get that. No wonder you ask me all the time. Hey, everybody, what kind of pork do you like? We like bacon in my country. Canada: Canadian bacon. American: […]
It is too hot. Life is more fun if you get out of the tourist zone. Screaming children in public places don’t bother me that much. Public places with air conditioning help because it is too hot. When you wander by the Anglican cathedral, glance at all the signs. It is fun to discover that […]
American: It’s ridiculous that, just as I’m figuring out how to manage life around here, I have to leave. Malaysia: Well, good riddance to bad orang putih rubbish. A: I— That’s rude. Well, see you never. {slam} M: He’ll be back. Hong Kong: Welcome! A: Oh! Oh! I know this one! Ní hǎo! Zǎo chén! […]
American: I’m hungry. Maybe I will go out to eat. Everything is cheap here. Malaysia: Remember last time, when you tried to order food at a restaurant and you got this weird sludge with dried noodles and an unidentifiable meat? And chilies that, for a change, even you couldn’t handle? Or the time before that, […]
“The Story of a Stupid American in Malaysia” — Part 1: Morning American: Good morning! I will check my phone. Malaysia: It is out of power. A: But I plugged it in! M: You forgot to turn on the switch that every outlet is conveniently equipped with. A: But it’s flipped toward on! M: No, […]