Today we thank you, O God, for the color orange. Amen.
Author: Aaron
Today we thank you, O God, that I was smart enough to check if the washing machine drain hose went anywhere before running it. It does. On the floor. Dodged that one! Amen.
Today we thank you, O God, for the questionable joy of learning to eat Indian curry with my fingers. Could have done without accidentally pouring it down my white shirt, though. Also I think I need to wash my hands again. And again. Amen.
Today we thank you, O God, that even when I’m not feeling particularly patriotic, my students will still take any reason to celebrate with food. In this case, BBQ ribs. Because America. Amen.
(They forced me to take the pictures.)
Today we thank you, O God, for the Rev. Dr. Sivin Kit. Some professors are good at their field, and others are fun to be around. He managed to be both. The Semenari Theoloji Malaysia community will miss his theology and ethics, but especially his presence as a friend. And now I don’t know who I’ll get to take me to lunch when I’m feeling the 9,000 miles between me and home! Safe travels, Sivin. I can’t wait to see what the Holy Spirit does “in, with, and under” you at the Luther World Federation in Geneva. Amen.
Today we thank you, O God, that my music studies were actually useful in a lecture! And also for that feeling of joy when all the post-lecture questions are ones you can answer, even if you blather a bit while doing it. Amen.
5ª Parte — Cerdo
Malasia: ¿Comes cerdo?
Norteamericano: Por supuesto que como cerdo. Qué pregunta más rara. ¿Acaso no lo hace todo el mun— Ah, sí. País predominantemente musulmán, no puede comer cerdo. Ya lo entiendo. No me extraña que me lo pregunten siempre. Oye, todo el mundo, ¿qué tipo de carne de cerdo os gusta? En mi país nos gusta el tocino.
Canadá: Tocino canadiense.
Norteamericano: ¿O… kay? Has saltado muy rápido con eso.
Canadá: El nuestro es más amigable, ¿eh?
Francia: Nous prefer-ons le jamon.
NA: Claro, el Croque monsieur y todo eso.
Alemania: ¡Sausagewurst bitte!
NA: ¿Qué… hay exactamente en esa salchicha?
México: Al pastor.
NA: ¿Comes pastores?
Texas: Costillas.
NA: Oye, Texas. ¿No eres parte de nosotros?
Texas: Claro, claro. Por supuesto que lo soy. Guiño, guiño. Jejejeje.
NA: ¿Y tú, Malasia? Para los que podéis comer cerdo, ¿cuál es la mejor parte?
Malasia: El nudillo.
NA: …¿Cómo dices?
Malasia: El nudillo.
NA: ¿Es… es eso una cosa? ¿Acaso los cerdos tienen dígitos reticulados en s—
Malasia: NUDILLO.
Yo: ¿Me haces esto sólo por diversión? ¿Es un deporte o algo así para ti?
Malasia: NUDILLO DE CERDO NUDILLO DE CERDO NUDILLO DE CERDO
Sí, esos son los huesos de los dedos de la derecha en esa foto. Resulta que sí tienen dedos reticulados. La moraleja de la historia es que, cuando cenes con amigos en el sudeste asiático, tienes que estar preparado para que lo de los calamares picantes sea el plato más normal de la mesa. Además, aunque la carne de codillo de cerdo está muy buena, la mayor parte está atrapada bajo seis millas de grasa. Lo cual también está muy bien, pero es algo horrible al mismo tiempo. En fin, feliz cumpleaños, Glenn. Cuando me toque a mí, amigos, por favor, elegid la tarta de chocolate en su lugar.
Part 5: Pork
Malaysia: Do you eat pork?
American: Of course I eat pork. What a weird question. Doesn’t everybo— Oh, right. Predominantly Muslim country, can’t eat pork. I get that. No wonder you ask me all the time. Hey, everybody, what kind of pork do you like? We like bacon in my country.
Canada: Canadian bacon.
American: O… kay? You jumped in there pretty quick with that one.
Canada: Ours is more friendly, eh?
France: Nous prefer-ons le ham.
American: Sure. Croque monsieur and all that.
Germany: Sausagewurst bitte!
American: What… exactly is in that sausage?
Mexico: Al pastor.
American: You eat pastors?
Texas: Ribs.
American: Hey, Texas. Aren’t you part of us?
Texas: Sure, sure. Of course I am. Wink, wink. Hehehehe.
Me: And how about you, Malaysia? For those of you that can eat pork, what’s the best part?
Malaysia: Knuckle.
Me: …I beg your pardon?
Malaysia: Knuckle.
Me: Is… is that a thing? Do pigs even have reticulated digits on thei—
Malaysia: KNUCKLE.
Me: Do you do this to me just for the fun of it? Is this a sport or something for you?
Malaysia: PORK KNUCKLE PORK KNUCKLE PORK KNUCKLE
Yes, those are the finger bones on the right in that photo. Turns out they do have reticulated digits. The moral of the story is that when dining with friends in Southeast Asia, you need to be prepared for the spicy-sour squid thing to be the most normal dish on the table. Also, while pork knuckle meat is indeed very good, most of it is trapped under six miles of fat. Which is also very good, but kind of horrible at the same time. Anyway, happy birthday, Glenn. When it’s my turn, friends, please choose chocolate cake instead.
Today we thank you, O God, for the little lizard hiding in the garbage that I was taking out. It brought excitement to an otherwise quiet evening. Although, I might say, just informationally, that sometimes having just “quiet” is okay. Amen.
Today we thank you, O God, for dreams that come from anxiety over the first week of the semester. With them, I get to spend so much extra time in the classroom! I’d like to know, though, how students managed to build a library and functioning coffee shop in a small classroom when I asked them to rearrange their desks. Dreams are weird. Amen.