Part 5: Pork

Malaysia: Do you eat pork?

American: Of course I eat pork. What a weird question. Doesn’t everybo— Oh, right. Predominantly Muslim country, can’t eat pork. I get that. No wonder you ask me all the time. Hey, everybody, what kind of pork do you like? We like bacon in my country.

Canada: Canadian bacon.

American: O… kay? You jumped in there pretty quick with that one.

Canada: Ours is more friendly, eh?

France: Nous prefer-ons le ham.

American: Sure. Croque monsieur and all that.

Germany: Sausagewurst bitte!

American: What… exactly is in that sausage?

Mexico: Al pastor.

American: You eat pastors?

Texas: Ribs.

American: Hey, Texas. Aren’t you part of us?

Texas: Sure, sure. Of course I am. Wink, wink. Hehehehe.

Me: And how about you, Malaysia? For those of you that can eat pork, what’s the best part?

Malaysia: Knuckle.

Me: …I beg your pardon?

Malaysia: Knuckle.

Me: Is… is that a thing? Do pigs even have reticulated digits on thei—

Malaysia: KNUCKLE.

Me: Do you do this to me just for the fun of it? Is this a sport or something for you?

Malaysia: PORK KNUCKLE PORK KNUCKLE PORK KNUCKLE

Yes, those are the finger bones on the right in that photo. Turns out they do have reticulated digits. The moral of the story is that when dining with friends in Southeast Asia, you need to be prepared for the spicy-sour squid thing to be the most normal dish on the table. Also, while pork knuckle meat is indeed very good, most of it is trapped under six miles of fat. Which is also very good, but kind of horrible at the same time. Anyway, happy birthday, Glenn. When it’s my turn, friends, please choose chocolate cake instead.